Of Clothes and Impotent What?
by The Mouse of Anon
Summary: One shot. A simple conversation between Sonic and Sally while Sonic's on watch duty starts out nice enough, but then gets a little strange. Don't complain to me if you have issues with the idea of a bare-furred Sonic. C & C please!


Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic or Sally, and I don't own the picture that inspired this; I just own this weird little fic. Therefore don't sue me and we'll get along fine. Oh yes, and kudos to Forgotten Muse because it was her drawing of 'Older Sonic' (plus about an hour and a half of staring at it on DeviantArt) that set the strange little gears in my mind going to churn out the idea of the ensuing conversation.

Author's Note: Ano… Aside from what I said above, there isn't much explanation for this. It all boils down to the fact that I _love_ the way Forgotten Muse draws Sonic in an anthro form, and due to staring at that drawing I eventually realized that mobian hedgehogs just really are _not_ meant to wear clothes. So yes; read, enjoy, review. C & C is always welcome and greatly appreciated.

* * *

Plush fur, fine bones, sharp eyes, and rippling muscles; these all easily described the blue hedgehog as he leaned on the railing of the tree platform. Despite the mess of his quills they swept away behind him into various aerodynamic spikes, drawing attention to his slender build. In this particular instance Sonic wore nothing but his fur; his shoes and gloves were drying in his hut from the most recent wash he'd put them through.

Somewhere in the branches above him a bird chirped. Sonic twitched an ear, but otherwise paid it no mind. Had it still been raining as it had a scant few hours before, then there would have been no way Sonic would have taken up watch duty. The last thing he wanted was to parade around with his fur drenched and clinging to him. Contrary to the popular belief of some, Sonic wasn't so arrogant as to want others to see him in a state where every muscle was outlined in perfect clarity.

He didn't particularly care if his closest friends saw him that way since they had grown up together, but they were no longer the only ones in Knothole. Another bird chirped and fluttered to a different branch, sending a small shower of water cascading down onto him. An immediate shudder rippled across his body as the cold water trailed down his spine before he shook himself off. _'Stupid birds.'_ Sonic counted himself lucky that Amy wasn't around to see him in his bare-furred state. _'She'd probably try to jump me.'_

Not that being ungloved and shoe-less was much of a difference, but Amy was one of those bizarre people that stressed a dividing line between being clothed and being undressed. _'Strange girl.'_ Shaking off the thought, Sonic yawned in boredom revealing several sharp and pointed teeth in the process. An hour on watch and nothing was going on. Under normal circumstances he would have been tempted to run off. Then again he wasn't normally in such a restive mood.

The sound of footsteps on the ladder swiveled his ears back in that direction. He didn't bother turning his head, instead choosing to use his nose and ears to determine who had made the decision to give him company. An unusual mixture of fox, squirrel, and chipmunk met his delicate nose: a scent as familiar as his own. "Hey Sal," he greeted, his tail flicking in a subtle wave.

The princess arched an eyebrow as she came up. Normally he was as blunt with his body language as a rock. Rarely did he resort to something so subtle as a tail flick for a greeting. "Something bugging you?" she asked as she came to a stop beside him.

"No, just bored. And hating birds, but that's about it."

"…Hating birds," Sally repeated incredulously.

Sonic shrugged. "One of them gave me an impromptu shower. It wasn't much, but I'm glad it's not raining."

Sally eyed him critically before shaking her head. "If your modesty issues are the problem, I still say you could solve your anti-rain dilemma by wearing a set of clothes."

Green eyes turned to her with an expression akin to disgust. "Sal, _long_ quills plus clothes equals bad juju. We've had this discussion, remember? Clothes _were not_ designed for hedgehogs, or porcupines, or any race that is particularly spiky. We _shred_ them. Besides, I hate clothes. They're uncomfortable and they itch. So yes, hedgehog plus clothes equals bad juju. Not getting me into them, no way, no how."

Sally gave him a dubious look and then resorted to the retort that Sonic knew was coming. "Then what about Amy? She manages it just fine."

An unimpressed snort came from the hedgehog as he slumped on the railing, ears flat against his head, impolite tilt or no. "First off, Amy's crazy. Secondly, I don't feel like chopping off more than half my quills just to get into some clothes that I don't want to wear anyway."

"She didn't chop off her quills, she used that specialized shampoo and brushed them to all hell and back," Sally replied with her hands on her hips and a very vulpine expression of contempt on her face.

"That doesn't mean _I'm_ going to do it. Clothes are uncomfortable and I _won't_ wear 'em. Amy can if she wants. I'm not gonna have…," he paused as he searched for the right words. "I'm not gonna have 'impotent' quills just because she does."

Sally _stared_ at Sonic like he had grown another head for a full minute, only to start laughing at his particular choice of words. "I-Impotent quills? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

"Well it's the best description," Sonic grumbled back. "I'm spiky. I'm supposed to be spiky. What Amy does… it's not natural!"

This was too good a chance to tease the hedgehog to pass up. Sally grinned, barely able to contain her laughter as she spoke. "Sonic… I'm not sure if you got the memo, but _you're_ not natural."

"Like you are?" he retorted, deliberately poking at her mixed blood.

"At least I don't have any problem with putting on clothes if I'm worried that it's going to rain _and_ I don't want anybody seeing me drenched."

"Touché."

In an innocent tone that Sonic didn't buy into for even an instant, Sally verbally prodded him again. "So does this mean you'll either put on some clothes or stop complaining?"

An amused snort that shook his quills emanated from the blue hedgehog, "No."

Another arched eyebrow from the princess. "Complaining nudist," she quipped.

Green eyes rolled skyward as Sonic's ears came up into a decent tilt almost against his will. "Like it _really_ yiffing matters." He only winced slightly when Sally gently tugged on an ear for his cursing.

"It matters because you complained about it."

"I only complained because you brought it up," Sonic griped in return.

"And you're still a complaining nudist."

"And I suppose that makes you a clothing saint?"

The mixed breed princess pondered that thought for a moment before her sense of amusement won out. "Yes, yes it does."

Sonic raised an eyebrow at her, and again gave that subtle tail flick. "Ya know Sal… you're crazy. Not as crazy as Amy, but you're still crazy." Sally gave a laugh and leaned on the railing beside him. A comfortable silence stretched between them for several minutes, broken only by normal noises from Knothole and the surrounding forest.

Sally's bright blue eyes slowly caught Sonic's emerald gaze. She waited until his face was fully turned toward her, his expression showing the barest hint of worry, before an amused grin plastered itself on her muzzle. "Impotent quills."

Letting out an exasperated sigh he muttered, "You're not going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Damn it."

* * *

II

II

II

V Push the button…


End file.
